…and the fight started (part 1)

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’

I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

Man Walk-In Fridge

An Evil Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer

Santa’s Sexual Harassment Trial

THE VIBRATOR

As a woman passed her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: ‘what in the world are you doing?’

The daughter replied: ‘mom, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.’

The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his
Daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: ‘dad I’m thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.’

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked: ‘What the f@!* are you doing?’

The husband replied: ‘I’m watching football with my son-in-law.’

O – Shit!

It’s a Brave New Obamaian World

Halloween at the Obama’s

Click hyperlink below to experience:

Halloween at the Obama’s

“My job this morning is to be so persuasive . . . that a light will shine through that window, a beam of light will come down upon you, you will experience an epiphany, and you will suddenly realize that you must go to the polls and vote for Barack.”

Barack Obama (2008)

Redneck Fire Alarm

In 1923, Who Was:

1. President of the largest steel company?

2. President of the largest gas company?

3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?

4.. Greatest wheat speculator?

5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?

6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men were considered some of the world’s most successful of their days.

Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us if we know what ultimately became of them.
 

The Answers:

1. The president of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, shot himself.

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide.

However:

in that same year,1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.

What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92.
Died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure at the time of his death.

The Moral:

Screw work.
Play golf.

How To Be A Sensitive Guy And Get Free Beer

Three Rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie.

As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife.

Donnie says, OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Ronnie says, ‘Where did you get that beer, Donnie?

Cooter’s wife gave it to me, Ronnie replies.

That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?

Well, not exactly, Donnie says. When she answered the door, I said to her, you must be Cooter’s widow.

She said, you must be mistaken, I’m not a widow.

Then I said, I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.

Rednecks Are Good At Sensitive Shit.

Hat Tip: Jon Constant

The Cop and Raider Fan

Three football fans were out for a ride when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female, dead drunk.

Out of respect and propriety, the Broncos fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast.

The Steelers fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast.
 
Following their lead, but with some grumbling, the Raiders fan took off his cap and placed it over her girly part.

The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Broncos cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes.

Next, he lifted the Steelers cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes.

The officer then lifted the Raiders cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time.
 
The Raiders fan was becoming annoyed and finally asked, ‘What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?”

“Well,” said the officer, “I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under an Oakland Raiders hat, I find an asshole. “

All Songs Have The Same Damn Chords!

Give this video some time…it’s funny and so true!

Hat Tip: My Granddaughter Lauren

Gotcha Your Weiner Schnitzel

He Only Wants You To Be More Patriotic

Hat Tip: Brett Rogers