Gay Test For Men

As the title of my site proclaims (OMG = Oh My God Larry), I’m both old and politically incorrect! This or other jokes on my site may offend certain sensitive individuals. Anyone who has thoroughly viewed MY sight can clearly see I poke fun at everyone…including my self. If this offends, don’t read or visit OMG Larry. I don’t publish for ratings or political approval, I publish it for myself and my other politically incorrect friends.

‘Am I Gay?’ – A Self Examination

Guys,  now you can know for sure thanks to psychological science.

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.  It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah Diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are Realllly gay.  A cat is like a dog, but gay — it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… ‘Killer, come here!  I said get your ass over here, Killer!’ Now think about how you call a cat…’Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!’ Jeeezus, you’re fit to be framed, you’re so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gay.  A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably Gay.

4.  If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship.  A man’s world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a ‘Decaf Soy Latte’. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be heading to the next Cher concert. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a ‘fressier’ is, you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are definitely gay.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8 If you do not send this off to all the males on your e-mail list, it’s because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being Gay.

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